She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
