I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
