I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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