I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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