Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize