He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
