I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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