somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize