somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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