fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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