I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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