I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
