I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
