I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
