Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
