I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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