i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
