I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there was a trapeze. enough said
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
