After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
