I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize