Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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