We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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