Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
