...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
