Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
