shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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