I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
