So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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