chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize