I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
