dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
