You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
