Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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