Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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