sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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