I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
