I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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