The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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