if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
