Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so that wasnt chicken after all
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This toilet bowl is my home.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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