im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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