the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
