I think im going to throw up on grandma
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
