Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Are we still banned from the library?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
