How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
