If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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