Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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