You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
