He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
