just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
