ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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