Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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