Duck Duck Cougar?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
