i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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