i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
