i think my mom watched the whole time
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
