If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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