can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
