we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
