Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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