i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
