DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
