But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
