I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am spending my child support on dildos
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
