All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
