I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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