you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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