Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
