I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
