you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
