Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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