Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
