Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
