one might say we're banned from that church
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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