I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
