this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
