i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
