Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
