I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
