youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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