I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
