I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
