sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
third nipple confirmed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
