I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize