so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
