Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
