he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His nipple licking is glorious
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
