apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
