dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
